I’ve been thinking a lot about priorities, and purpose, and what am I really supposed to be doing. Obviously, I am supposed to be being a loving supportive wife and a loving supportive Mommy. Obvious but not always easy. I was raised in the generation of women conditioned to believe we not only could have it all, but we were letting down our gender if we didn’t. We are the lucky ones who have ALMOST achieved gender equity in the workplace, we’ve learned that we have the right to have commitment free sex with strangers if we choose, to have babies on our terms – or not – and that above all else we must have our own needs met; emotional and other. All this freedom to can be overwhelming and confusing, especially if after taking advantage of it one finds that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. (Note: Mom, and others, I am NOT saying I have commitment free sex with strangers!) I was thirty eight before I realized that my ‘legacy’ of my career was actually leaving me empty and that I probably wasn’t really going to live forever and the time was never going to be right to live a completely different life.
I was very lucky that my husband is the most amazing man ever and truly just wants me to be happy. He and I have had three babies in rapid succession and now have dropped completely off the corporate grid in order to seek our fortunes elsewhere. But where do I invest ‘me’? I’ve realized that for me to be the best wife and Mommy I can be (and this is for me, NOT for anyone else) I can’t work outside the home for eight to ten hours a day. I miss my littles too much and it makes me sad. I also have to do something besides just hanging with them, in order to be refreshed and positive for them. Again, that’s just me. For now it’s writing, marketing our gym and helping other small business owners with HR and leadership. This to me is like having it all and for us it works. But it wouldn’t be possible if I kept buying into what other people wanted for me. Because everyone wants something different. I’ve been told I could go far up other corporate ladders, or be a baby-food-making, play-date-attending full time SAHM and none of it has felt quite right until now. I think the secret is getting really quiet and listening to that ‘still small voice’ and realizing that we are all unique and have something to contribute.