Last week I wrote about Bisky needing glasses and how devastated I was about that based on my own childhood trauma. Since then we’ve had the glasses for a whole week, we registered for Kindergarten, have gone LIVE for our fitness business, and I’ve started preparing for an author vlog as well as a live broadcast for my leadership coaching business. All that to say, the only fear I haven’t had to face this week is jumping off a cliff and going somewhere to take a test, only to realize I’m naked. Of course, it’s only Wednesday, so you never know.
I come from a long line of awesome women worriers. We are kind of warriors too, but only after we carefully list out all the things that might go wrong, how we’ll handle it if they do, what we’ll say after that person says something, and what’s that twinge in my left toe…you get the idea. I spent part of my life seeing this as a strength and part of it as a disorder that needed treatment and have arrived at a middle ground where it’s just like the extra 10 pounds I carry with me. I would prefer it not be there, it doesn’t particularly help my life, but it’s likely not going anywhere so we need to live together peacefully.
What this means functionally is that I’m overly tormented about most things until I remember not to worry about them. Take the glasses for instance. I ordered all the princess-wearing-glasses books I could find, I got myself glasses (and had to take the lenses out because they were giving me a headache and they still give me a headache so I think it’s psychosomatic). I spent all this time preparing Bisky and also, based on the fact that she’s such a stubborn, independent little thing, I started preparing for the inevitable surgery based on her non-compliance.
Well color me completely wrong! Not only does she look absolutely adorable in them, she’s also taken to them like a four-eyed little frog to water! She cleans them, and keeps them on all day, and very enthusiastically explains to people that she has glasses because her eyesight is bad. She strikes up conversations with anyone we pass who also has glasses and basically has put me completely to shame for ever even worrying about it. Have I mentioned lately how awesome my kid is? Of course, #NoBen is eaten ALIVE with jealousy and wants his own glasses so bad he can taste it, but I let him play with one of my extra pairs.
So I didn’t really need to be tormented about the glasses because it was fine. Or…and here’s where a worrier can get all twisted up…is it fine because I was so tormented I did all the prep work which was actually what made it fine? We will never know, except I suspect my own little efforts have far less impact than I give myself credit for.
So the next thing to be tormented about is Kindergarten. WTF Kindergarten? When I went, three million years ago, there were two classes: Morning or Afternoon. Now, it’s full day. Except it’s not, it’s 9:15-3:30, which is dumb. And there are FIVE classes in Bisky’s school. That is too many kids. That is blowing my mind. And there are rules about everything! They will report us to the state if she misses too much time which is completely against how I imagined this whole school thing going (which is pretty much that if I want to take them somewhere cool to teach them something on my own, it counts and the school should just shut up about it, and it’s nobody’s business anyway).
That attitude is probably not conducive to a productive public school experience, which saddens me. So I’m tormented and I think we’re going to hate it. Except Bisky won’t hate it. She came with us to turn the paperwork in, and chatted up the ladies in the office (one of them had glasses) and they seemed quite delighted with her. I, on the other hand, seethed with resentment on general principle.
Which brings me to the last thing to be tormented about, sort of. To bring everyone up to speed so this is marginally relevant, I have two ‘businesses’ currently: My management consulting and my writing. Since getting a publishing contract (yaaaayyy), the writing has moved from hobby to business which means I have to be intentionally ‘building a platform’ for both. Which basically means I have to a) let people know I’m out there and b) give them a reason to care. Never having been the popular kid, this is angsty in and of itself but having to do it as two different ‘brands’ adds a new twist. So I’ve decided that I’m going to start vlogging as author Carrie..sharing funny crap the kids do or say, or talking about my book, or other books, or life, and things like that. I’ll let you know when that’s up and running (Mom), so you can tune in. And I’ll be doing the same as a coach and consultant. Wouldn’t it be funny if I got them mixed up? Funny as in showing up for a test with no clothes on funny?
I’m going to take heart from the fact that the glasses turned out so well that maybe everything else will too. AND if it doesn’t, it will probably make a really good story to share (or show…shudder)….
What did you angst over last week that ended up being not so bad? I’d love to hear about it!